Sunday blessings everyone!

Today Id like to share with you a personal struggle I’ve been having- one of faith, and trying very hard to keep it. I hate it when I doubt. But I am in another one of those periods. *Blech*

First though, as some of you know my spirituality is eclectic. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people- but to me, I see where it all fits together. I have no problem with competing ideas. I find I can usually find the common ground between them.

So besides spirituality, I do believe in the influences of astrology. It’s the news of what the planets are doing. Planets have energy and a great deal of magnetism. The moon herself controls the tides. If the moon can do that, then what can a vast planet do? So I believe we are affected by their doings even if we may not be conscious of it.

So with that said, Mercury is in retrograde again, and since I was born with Virgo rising, whatever Mercury does I feel it along with true Virgos. It feels like a very strong Rx cycle this time. (I’m not an expert in astrology- just going by my observations and subjective experience). I’ve seen a lot of people hurting just in these last few days. I just want to tell you I love you and I’m in your corner. Something good will and MUST come out of this. Our God is kind, wise and loving. It will be ok. My prayers are with you.

I’ve also had disappointing news and think there may be a complete change in direction soon. But God knows what he’s doing, even though I accept that I just don’t have a clue, even when I think I do.

Yesterday, I went to Michaels to buy more yarn (crocheting is basically my version of Xanax) and I saw this box.

Courage Box_Keeping the Faith

I just felt like I had to get it. It has everything on it that I’m trying to do with this change in my life.

Live What You Love

Last night I was trying to hold onto the faith so much that I put the box on the other pillow and slept with it. Silly, huh? I know. But I’m trying hard to not let the adversary win (fear).

I think I will keep it empty and only fill it with good things- symbols of the good things- in my new life. Wherever God decides that to be. I’m so tired in trying to figure it out. I’m just gonna hold onto this box, keep packing, load the fur kids in the rental car and drive either one of two directions come July 1st. God knows I am making the decision at the end of the month. I expect to have an answer from Him by then, or I will make one. Wrong or right, wise or not. As my ex-husband says, “Do something, even if its wrong.” Paralysis kills the soul, let alone confidence. It’s not good to make decisions during Mercury Rx, but I don’t think I have a choice in that either.

I read a quote today on Twitter. I think it’s very appropriate. It said, “‪#‎Courage‬ is a ‪#‎love‬ affair with the ‪#‎unknown‬.”

I try hard for courage. I admire it so much- next to integrity, it is my favorite value. I used to look at the unknown as adventure. But I’ve never been in love with it. Maybe instead of resisting it, I will just look around, see what I see, acknowledge my fear- because it is so there- and then say “thank you for sharing but I’m taking another step anyway.”

I’m 48 yrs old. And I have decided that for all the experiences I’ve had, and the insights and “wisdom” I’ve learned, I have no idea on this one. I’m a WW2 pilot who does not have instruments and am surrounded by cloud cover. All I can do is my part, and pray. Whatever happens, happens. Let it be so.