This writer reminded me to
“never be afraid to be who you are.”
Yes, with all my experiences on stage, and showing up in my life, I share these same insecurities. Yesterday, something happened that I found discouraging. I am trying to keep the faith, that the calling I’ve been hearing is the true one, that God wants good things for me, and He honestly wants me to be who I am with all that He has given me. So far, the externals do not match the inner calling. I’m glad God gave his two cents- I would not want anything He would not want for me. But I get scared. “What ifs” creep into my mind. I feel responsible for EVERYONE I care about (yes, you can say “codependent”. I know it.) and what if what I’m trying to do does not work out? I don’t want to disappoint this person. I do everything to keep my promises. And I made a promise.
I also made a promise to myself just this year – to finally embrace who I am, warts, talents, fears, strengths and everything in between. To no longer apologize for who I am, because I didn’t fit into a person’s picture in their mind. I have tried to gain this person’s pride and approval all my life. And I won’t get it. This person is not capable of giving it. I finally accepted it. Just this year.
So I promised myself that I would no longer hide my talents so as not to threaten someone in the corporate world. That I would not play it small or “dumb down”. That when I can, I will get out of the corporate world where many small minds thrive over high school antics carried over and beyond their teenager hood. It’s just a culture of fear I no longer want to tolerate. But in turning away from this world, I go through an onslaught of my own fears. What if I can’t make this happen?
I know I can’t do it without God. He MUST be working behind the scenes- He won’t let me down. But right now I feel like I’m in a hallway with all the doors closed. I know which door I want but there seems to be a lot of junk before I can even reach the doorknob. Is this the door God? Did I hear your answer right? I’m waiting for You to show me the Way.
So I was thankful to find this post. Thank you, dear one for writing it.
It’s often heard of when people either try to be someone or something they are not, or hide who they really are. There are a myriad of reasons that we do this. Whether it be to please other people, make ourselves look good, because we don’t like who we are, or because we’re afraid of what others may think. As some of you may be, I’m guilty of hiding who I was on several occasions. As I’ve shared, there have been times where I wasn’t comfortable with who I was, and was afraid of what others would think. Whatever reason we choose to downplay who we really are, will eventually or immediately result in unhappiness.
I’m pretty open about the insecurities I’ve dealt with in the past. I’m also open in sharing that some of my insecurities still creep up from time to time if I don’t check it. As…
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