As we are mindful of everything in our life, our blessings, our pain (which is usually our best teacher), our loved ones, and the ones-we-just-don’t-know-what-to-do-with, I’d like to let you know that I am thankful for each and every one of you.
Sometimes relationships don’t turn out the way you hope they will. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t worthwhile. The disappointment, regret, or loss are very real. But also, the relationship is an instrument of wisdom gained, if open to it. Relationships that end even, can be teachers of boundaries, respect, what you don’t want, what’s important to you, what you’re willing to tolerate, what you absolutely will not. In this past year, I’ve not only had to learn but practice a lot of patience (something I’ve never been good at), endurance, and “holding on”. I’ve learned about sea legs, and living the motto “keep on swimming”. It has been a dynamic year of monumental change—and of course change, while exciting, is not always pleasant.
And yet this past year has also been absolutely amazing. My creative world has reopened and expanded in terrific ways, even meeting new people to help bring what’s in my mind (stories, stories, stories!!!) to life.
I have come to accept that my Legacy will be my work. I had wanted a “normal” life (the Norman Rockwell “life”) but I didn’t get it. I’m not sure….maybe after I walk further down my road of life, I will get over that disappointment and loss of a dream. But to be sure, I have never had a paucity of dreams, and finally, I’ve given permission to myself to just “be” and “see what I can do.” (hear the song “Letting Go? Yeah, me too. :))
I look at the decisions I’ve made…and make another decision to let the space just be. God will know how best to fill it up with goodness. At least, much of the sadness has been cleared away. In the meantime, I will continue with being kind, even when Life has not been very kind, and to create the beauty I see so that others can see it too.
Next year, should be very exciting and even busier than this past year. But there is a team in place at my creative “Life’s Work”, and the day job will level out at some point.
My aunt said something on Thanksgiving that I thought was profound. She is recently widowed, and her husband had been a minister. They both were really an innovative ministry team (they created a church coffee house, and championed women’s ministries in patriarchal areas –BRAVE). My aunt said to me, “You need to stop looking to people. They will always disappoint you. Be kind, because we are all in this together. But look to God. Look higher.”
OK. I’ll try that.
God bless you and yours.